How to say No More #MomFail & Yes to #Mommitment

"In truth this morning I feel like you’d see #MomFail in my eyes. Lots of reasons, not the least is bribing the Boy to go to school with the very lollipop I took away & expressly told him he couldn't have for breakfast.  *sigh* But at least he went to school, right? #PostiveThoughts" -March 11, 2015

When I first heard about the #Mommitment movement, it was a no-brainer. I have long tried to be a positive force, to see the bright side & offer kindness. I am always ready & truly happy to support another mom. Stop the judgements - Stop the MomWars - Sign me up! 

Then I went one further and volunteered to write about and share the message of #Mommitment.

Just one little problem. Over the last few months I’ve realized that while I don’t often feel the need to explain myself to those who would judge me, in my head I'm brutal when critiquing my own skills in the parenting department. So much that I've been unable to carry a flag for this movement because I feel like a fraud. On one hand, I claim to embrace my mistakes in favor of no regrets, then on the other I publicly shame myself for being a failure.

The truth is, when it comes to motherhood I've felt like a failure from the outset. 

After all, we had a plan - natural delivery - hypnobirthing - no drugs. But when the day came I caved on each point in succession, finally giving into delivery by cesarean. 

I remember sobbing; desperately disappointed that I couldn't deliver my baby vaginally. I apologized repeatedly to my husband. I had failed my first test of motherhood. 

After I went back to work & I just couldn't keep up my milk production, I was glad to supplement with formula. Even as I weaned my son, I kept pumping & stocked my freezer with a supply. Outwardly I spoke of being proud I could find a way to give him breast milk until he was a year old. Inside, I felt guilty each time we replaced a nursing feed with a bottle. I was torn between being relieved (I wanted my body back!), and clearly seeing my failure to reach my goal: nursing my son for his first year. 

And so it went. Time after time I set the bar high on the motherhood scoreboard, then chastised myself when I missed that mark. 

As with all things I've ever been insecure about, I covered my shame with self-deprecating jokes. "Oh yeah, mother of the year here! Chalk up another #MomFail for Serendipity!” 

#MomFail: We use the term so casually, throwing it about on social media, in conversations at the park and on those rare & cherished moms' nights out. We use it to describe all the ways (big and small) we aren't living up to the perfect vision of motherhood. 

Not that it's a big deal, right? Exactly whose vision are we failing? Whose judgement are we trying to dodge when we stamp #MomFail on our own foreheads?

As one who made a habit of making such jokes at my own expense, I'll admit often they were intended to thwart anyone who would attack my parenting. Yet, another part of me screamed out for someone to tell me how ridiculous I was being each time I claimed a #MomFail.  

That’s the crux of it, isn’t it? As parents we all want that support. We all want someone - a partner, a friend, a doctor, a member of our community - to reach out in our moments of doubt. We crave, no, we need a little validation. We need someone to tell us we are doing it right. Whatever it is & however we are getting it done, if we are stepping up & showing up for our kids, then chalk up a #ParentingWin. Sometimes we need someone to remind us our children will survive, and thrive, simply because we are there for them. 

This is precisely what #Mommitment is about. Reaching out to those you know won't jump to judge, and lifting each other up. Doing what you can, with as little as smile & nod or a kind word, to let our fellow mommies (and daddies) know they are not alone and they are not failures. 

I came to #Mommitment thinking I had a lot to offer, if very little to learn. Once again, my expectation is blown away by reality. It is most certainly a win; the women I've met have demonstrated such acceptance, and forgiveness, and kindness. 

With new perspective I'm ready to make an additional pledge. I vow to wipe the stamp of #MomFail off my brow.
I vow to treat myself with the same kindness I would show another woman, and reserve my self-judgement in favor of embracing the best I am able to do today. 

I encourage you to join me.

Yes, this is easier said than done. We are our own worst critics, but not all criticism is constructive. Ultimately, calling out failure, most especially my own, isn't worth my energy. My new rule: If I wouldn't say it to someone else, or let someone talk that trash about my friend, I shouldn't be saying it to myself. 

From now on if I see that #MomFail stamp headed my way, I'm just going to brush it back with a hearty #Fuhgeddaboudit! 

If you enjoyed this post, please click below to vote for me! Big Hugs & Thanks!

Can you make simple swaps for more healthful (but still yummy) muffins?

Me, I like a firm banana. 

No, this is not a euphemism. In my book a good banana is still a bit green. Really, I'd rather need a knife to cut into it, then ever put a mushy fruit in my mouth. I seem to have passed this preference geneticly to my kids. Or they heard me gag one too many times as I tried to serve them overripe bananas & took a hint.

Now, we all know that no matter how green those bananas look in the store, they will be half-way to brown by the next morning. It's also a well known fact one should probably keep their DBI (daily banana intake) to a single serving a day, because devouring too many of those wonderful fruits can have intestinal repercussions.

So what is a banana-loving mom to do with all the "that's-too-mushy-for-my-mouth" leftovers? How many ziplock baggies of peeled bananas can I keep in the freezer before my husband starts Googling "food-hoarder?"

I don't have the answers. But as I sat in the kitchen on a recent morning, I was pondering these questions, drinking coffee and debating what to have for breakfast. All the while texting SisterCat.

Which is when I confessed I had a craving.

I've been back on the road of healthier eating for a few months now, so it's not surprising I dream about having pastries for breakfast. Occasionally I've even been known to give in to the pressure from the Rebels and make cupcakes for breakfast. But we all know it's not the best way to start the day.

So even as my dear friend jokingly prodded me with YOLOs via text, I wanted to at least come up with something healthy a little more healthful.

With that in mind, I grabbed my tried and true recipe for Banana Nut Muffins, and got to work on making some substitutions. With the help of the interwebs, a slide rule, a with fingers crossed, I finally popped a batch of 17 IKEA muffin cups into the oven. (Yes, only 17. Is anyone else is singing Winger right now? Just me? Ok then.)

Amazingly, the resulting muffins were damn near perfect. Yummy texture, not too sweet (except for the chocolate chips!), and just dense enough. So good, in fact, I reckoned I should share it.

Healthful Banana Muffins

Ingredients:

• 1 3/4 cups flour  
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder  
• 1/2 tsp bakiing soda
• 1/4 tsp + a pinch salt (I use kosher) 
• 1/4 coconut oil (room temperature/liquid state)
• 1/4 cup honey 
• 1 Tbs milled flax + 3 Tbs water (as an egg substitute) 
• 1/4 cup non-fat plain Greek yogurt 
• 1 Tbs water 

• 2 ripe mashed bananas (approximately 1 cup) 
• 1 cup chopped nuts (or 1/2 cup nuts + 1/2 cup chocolate chips) 

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease baking cups (I used a drop of coconut oil in each) and set aside. 
2. In a small bowl Mix milled flax with 3 Tbs water & set aside.
3. Sift together dry ingredients. Honestly, in most baking I happily skip this step. However with all the substitutions, I wanted to take the time and do it "properly."
4. Cream oil & honey tougher. Cream in flax mixture, yogurt & water. 
5. Stir in the dry ingredients, alternating with the banana to keep the batter from getting to dry. 
6. Once everything is well encorporated, stir in nuts (and chocolate). 
7. Distribute evenly into muffin cups. 
8. Bake on 325 for approximately 20 minutes**. 
9. Use a toothpick to check for doneness. (a toothpick stuck into the center of a muffin should come out clean)

• **Oven times will vary depending on what type of bakeware you use, your oven, and even the type of nuts & chocolate you added. 

ENJOY!! 

Did you enjoy this post? Do you want to make my muffins? 

Do you want to help a momma out?? Vote for me +Top Mommy Blogs! Big Hugs & Thanks!

How to Win the Morning Game in 33 Moves

What can I say? Once in a blue moon I have my shite together enough to have a "Good Morning."
How do I do it? Let me break it down:

• 1   9 o’clock: Say ‘bye to Hubs & start searching the apartment for coffee mug. 
• 2   Stumble across last night's To Do lists of calls to make, projects to finish, etc. Add notes about half tackled chores and projects in every room. 
• 4   Find mug in kitchen next to coffee maker. Take sip & start to empty dishwasher. Get called to help kid to potty. 
• 5   After cleaning up messy kid & toilet, wash hands & go back to kitchen & much needed coffee.
• 6   Get a few more pieces out of dishwasher,  discard them next to the fridge when frantically called to check out emergency. Take selfie with Boy and very important newly designed robot.  
• 7   Realize girl is not wearing unders after poop accident on toilet; head into kids room & discover it is shockingly tidy. 
• 8   Have idea for silly blog post, go in search of phone to make notes. 
• 9   Look up from making list & ponder how the hell coffee mug ended up on top of living room bookcase. 
• 10   Upon hearing sounds of dishwasher being started, rush to kitchen and cancel it. Send Boy back to the robots. 
• 11   Take another sip of cold coffee, note the pot is empty. Remember to pull out teabags for a  pitcher of iced tea for afternoon caffeination. 
• 12   Get called to another bathroom, wipe another booty, wash hands for the hundredth time. 
• 13   Adding items to blog list, Note you skipped step 3 & decide you’ve come too far to fix it. Set up iced tea pitcher. 
• 14   Giggle because you typed “fart" instead of “far." 
• 15   Become suddenly & urgently aware you need to pee. Then panic as you remember Girl is in unders (not diaper) & wonder how long it’s been since she was on potty. 
• 16   Discover her splashing in her own puddle and curse self for not paying attention to time. 
• 17   Sift through all the laundry to find other things to throw in washer with wet towels and unders. Give up and start the stupidly small load. 
• 18   Discover Boy swiping a roll from the breadbox & check clock before taking it away. Confirm it is indeed lunchtime. Grab each kid a cheesestick to go with their rolls. 
• 19   Wonder how the hell it got to be lunchtime, anyway, as you finally finish emptying the diswasher. 
• 20   When reminder alarm goes off on phone wonder where the hell did the phone go? And then what alarm is for… 
• 21   Several minutes after alarm stops curse out loud because you finally remember that everyone might still be in PJs, but you all need to be dressed and out the door in 20 minutes if you’re going to make it to the Boy’s doctor appointment.
• 22   Start getting Boy dressed & realize all his clean shorts are in the dryer. Stop on your way back to pack a bag of snacks & drop it by the door. 
• 23   Walk into kids room to discover Girl in another puddle just outside bathroom. Note she was in no way rushing to reach the toilet 3 feet away from her. 
• 24   Put Girl in DIAPER and pluck a combo of semi-clean clothes from the top of her dresser while simultaneously using bath towel to mop floor with one foot. 
• 25   Congratulate self on multi-tasking. 
• 26   Cramming the new wet stuff into laundry, switch to cursing that half load of laundry that is just finishing it’s cycle. 
• 27   Note how shrill you sound as you shout to kids to put on their shoes. Decide to apologize after you’ve gathered ALL THE THINGS and get them in the stroller. 

• 28   After a moment's hesitation decide there is no need to change out of the yoga pants and tank you’ve been rocking for the last 48 hours. Grab a button-up to wear as an “over” shirt.
• 29   Beg children to just grab their shoes and get into the stroller.
• 30   Buckle down the kids; shove in all 3 bags, the snack pack & the ice waters. 
• 31   Take opportunity of locked down kids to dash to the bathroom & pee without fear of catastrophe. 
• 32   12:10pm: Hit the elevator button and prepare for one or both of the kids to start screaming about who’s turn it was, and who gets to push the lobby button inside. 
• 33   With spiteful satisfaction, push the lobby button your own damn self. 
• 34    Exit the elevator and glide through the building lobby, smiling sweetly, while softly apologizing to kids for turning into psycho mommy. 

Explain you were frantic because you simply don’t know where the time went this morning. 

If you enjoyed this post, please click below to vote for me!  Big Hugs & Thanks!