Does a Clock Worry When it's Time to Unwind?

Motherhood clockworks:
the balanced pendulum swings 
in constant motion. 

Tug the weights too much
- pendulum energy shifts - 
wrecking ball mood swings. 

Inspired by all the mothers we celebrate this month, the amazing women of Mommitment, as well as this week's prompt from Haiku Horizons. 

Lifesavers & Lipsticks: Starting Small

Somewhere I have a black and white photo of my mother’s purse, hanging off a tree limb, on the edge of a beach in Maine. It’s not a particularly great photo. But I still remember the moment I took it, thinking it looked odd and a bit lonesome. 

We’d been at my cousin’s wedding in New Hampshire. The day after the wedding was overcast and rainy. Instead of driving south to head home, Mom first drove north. Just so we could stop for a while at a beach. She needed to see the ocean; walk in the sand. Like the photograph, there's not much to the story. It was just a very “Mom” thing to do. Like hanging her purse on the tree. 

As parents I think we all know those glittering, undeniably exceptional moments when you want to stop time. People often talk about that split second when the gauze slips over your vision & you want the world to just stop so you can soak in all the perfection. No crying, kiddos giggling, everyone content & enjoying the same slice of time? 

I live for those moments. Or maybe it’s that I live in them. I’m not sure, but they rock. 

My hair combed flat with a wet comb, stretched tight into a section and then “snap!” Over an over, Mom dipping the comb in the water glass, rolling my hair in those pink foam Goody curlers. Then she’d tuck my little head into the 60s bonnet hair dryer. You know, the kind that was like a big shower cap that inflated with warm air. It was so loud, but the air always felt as wonderful and warm as my mommy’s smile. 

Do you ever wonder if your kids see that moment? Recognize that perfection? Does it imprint on their brains the way it does ours? 

Lately I wonder more & more - are my children holding on to the same moments? 

Sitting in the open back end of the car, with the garage door open, watching the rain splatter in the suburban streets. Hoping for lightning so we could count until the thunder clap hit us. Sometimes we’d have to snuggle in jackets, or blankets, or huddle together. Usually there was no real conversation. We were just listening. Together. 

As the calendar turns to May I have no choice but to think almost constantly of my mom. As a child the month of May was Mommy’s month. Not only is there mother’s day, but my mom’s birthday is the 19th. Often we would end up celebrating her on back to back weekends. But after she died, well, I’m sorry, May, you officially became My Least Favorite Month.

I have decided that a decade of holding a grudge against 1/12 of the calendar is probably long enough. So this year I’m working hard at shifting my focus off of what is missing, to what I was lucky enough to have. 

Which, by the way, is monumentally hard. 

With all hard things the advice is to start small, right? So I’m making a point to recall all the small moments. 

Lifesavers. Along with the usual tissues, lipsticks, combs, and whatnots, as a child it seemed Mom's purse was almost certain to have Lifesavers. She liked all kinds of hard candy, but those little fruity rings were second only to dried out gummy bears. The oddity of gummy bears that had been purposefully left out to harden didn’t start until I was much older, though. 

As a kid, I could dig through the tissues and probably find a few linty orange Lifesavers to swipe. Actually, Mom was pretty liberal with handing out the orange ones. (Naturally, I thought it was a treat, until I realized that she just didn’t like orange candy.) The absolute best was when she had a whole role of cherry or butter rum. 

I spotted a roll the other day in a checkout line, and in a flash I was 6 years old, digging in my mommy’s purse. I could practically smell the Revlon lipstick blotted Kleenex. Then that moment of delight when she would say, “Sure baby. Here you go.” 

So much sweeter than the candy. 

Do you have a favorite moment with your mother, grandmother, aunt, etc? What moments with you are you hoping the children in your life will remember when they are grown? 

I would love you to share them with me! 

One lucky reader already won a copy of I Still Just Want To Pee Alone! 
Just in time for Mother’s Day! 
**Contest Closed**

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Things I Learned From My Mom

This post first appeared on my MySpace page back in June of 2007 under the title "Things Mom Taught Me".  It was one of two posts I wrote to honor my mom on the third anniversary of her death. 

Some of these pearls were passed along as advice. Most are just the kernels I gleaned from the 30 years I had with her.  That sounds like such a long time, but it was far too short.  

As Mother's Day is Sunday, and my mother's birthday is the following week, I thought it would be fitting to repost. I considered trying to organize it more concisely, or add new commentary. But I think, for now, I will leave it as written.  

From growing up in a military life where cocktail parties and wives' clubs never went out of fashion, along with a mix of common sense and southern hospitality, my mom passed along this wisdom, which I present in no way in full, and entirely at random...

• Family and friendship come before all else. She'd say "you may not always like them, but you don't stop loving people just because they are sometimes jerks."
• Always expect the very best, and be prepared for the very worst. This was true for everything, including people. This has always served me well.
• It was fine not to like something, but only if I'd actually tried it first.
• The importance of family history.
• The importance & fine art of good conversation.
• Not to be with someone just because everyone else liked them.
• Everyone deserves a second and even third chance. That doesn't mean they get a free pass, however. She might forgive, but she never really forgot. However, there was always another chance to earn back her trust and respect if you wanted to.
• The beauty of thunderstorms.
• That a power nap (also known as a sinking spell) really can be just the thing to get you going again.
• There is nothing wrong with being cute, just back it up with the ability to be serious.
• To shop for bargains, but also to know what things are worth paying full price for.
• Always have "mad money" tucked away.
• Anytime is a good time to go to a beach.
• If you want to sing, then go right ahead and sing (maybe she got this from Sesame Street).
• The best quality a friend or lover can have is the ability to make you laugh.
• It is important to know your own body & it's always ok to question your doctor - the doctor's not in your skin, after all.
• There is nothing finer than popping off your shoes and sticking your feet on the dash.
• Any time you can take off your shoes, you should.
• To always go upstairs on my toes, because it would make my calves strong (it did).
• My mother never did yoga, or pilates, or anything like that. But there were exercises she'd learned as a girl, and she passed these along to me. Mostly, it boiled down to the value of stretching out the limbs, and the back. Because being limber is as important as being strong. (Maybe more so, really)
• How to shop for clothes without trying them on - and have them fit when I get them home.
• Buying clothing basics that flatter your figure & never goes out of style will always give you the best value. Then you can add pieces or accessories that make a look more "trendy" and "in fashion". This way you have a more "timeless" style.
• Birthdays are important. Everyone's birthday is their day; on that day they get to do what they want, watch what they want, eat what they want & be celebrated.
• There is absolutely nothing wrong with being silly, no matter how old you are. How else does one stay young at heart?
• There are certain things everyone should know, even if they don't honestly care. The important thing being that other people would care and would be talking about it. A well-rounded individual should at least know the outcome - and thus not be lost in the conversation. These things included:
  • Who won each of the Triple Crown horse races
  • Who won the Super Bowl, the World Series, the NBA playoffs, etc.
  • Who won pop-culture events (like American Idol)

• Learning to wash your own clothes, basic sewing, change a tire, cook a good steak, make yourself eggs the way you like them (particularly when you are sick) - such things are essential to growing up.
• You can be the most beautiful or the smartest or the most accomplished - but if you are ugly to people, it won't matter. Pretty is as pretty does.
• If you never start wearing foundation makeup, you may never need it. Seriously, I wasn't allowed to wear more than powder, eyeliner & blush as a young teenager, and 20 years later, I rarely wear more than that now.
• On Christmas morning everyone should take turns opening gifts, because it really should be more fun to give than it is to receive.
• Basic Yiddish phrases. Although I haven't figured out why she ever knew them to begin with.
• The value of a B-horror movie, whether it's new or old, in English or over-dubbed.
• That "pet people" belong with other "pet people".
• Any occasion can be a "special" occasion and you should use the good china, the good linen, and the good silver for it. Otherwise, why have that stuff taking up space?

• Blood may be thicker than water, but it is love that defines a family.