Thanks to this self-portrait he
drew a few weeks back, my husband and I learned our son wants to be a police
officer when he grows up.
When asked why, he launched
excitedly into an elaborate answer involving how he wants to catch bad guys
using his excellent karate moves, how he will protect those he loves, and will
also blow things up (for the greater good).
Short version: He likes the idea
of making the world safer.
Of course, he's only six, so our
brave hero is also prone to dramatic tears when asked to try on new pants, move
his LEGOs off the dining table, or just (for once) flush the toilet.
He's my oldest, but I presume
most of this is fairly typical.
After all, when attempting to
carry on even the simplest of conversations with any young kid they will ask
the most outrageous questions, develop insanely illogical reasoning, wild
theories of the universe, and generally keep you on your toes or send you into
the depths of madness.
But hey, I'm no newbie at this
parenthood gig. So often as a moment of humor or sudden thoughtfulness might
surprise me, I thought nothing could really catch me off guard
anymore.
Then, as our children so often
do, my sweet boy proved me wrong. With one simple question, in fact, he knocked
the wind right out me.
"Mama? Do you know what a lockdown is?"
If life were a movie, this would be the moment
when I realize there is no background noise. In a vacuum of sound, every
breath painfully loud, I would see these words, drop casually, almost playfully
from my son's lips into the bath's bubbles.
"I sure do, bud. Do you?"
"Yeah. It's when the teachers have us all pile
up in the back of our class. Not where the kitchen is, though. Back behind
their desk."
"Oh, yeah? And when do you do
this?"
"When they shut the lights and call out Lockdown,” his is
eyes wide to mimic the importance of the command.
Whispering now, he squeezes his shoulder up to his
ears, and continues, "then we are supposed to be really really
super quiet. So no one would guess we are still hiding in the
room."
"So, did you practice a lockdown today? Is
that why you're asking about it?"
Yep. They said we did a good job. But we need to
work on being even quieter, and not moving at all."
"Ok, um... Well, I bet you'll practice
again..."
Those last words are still stuck in my throat. I
have no idea what I'm supposed to say to my 6 year old about having lockdown
drills at school. I'm in no way prepared for this disturbingly innocent
conversation.
Perhaps because there was such
lightness to it, I'm still struggling to wrap my brain around this.
My children are still so young,
and we try to shield them from much of the ugliness and hatred in the world. I
wouldn't think to begin a conversation about school shootings.
So when my kid busted out the
word lockdown it exposed my naiveté. When it comes to their safety, age
is not a shield. Just as it would not protect them from a fire, their lack of
years won't protect our children should someone decide to attack their
school.
Unlike the days when our parents
learned to "duck and cover" (that wholly illogical method to protect
yourself nuclear fallout), the sad truth is lockdown drills are teaching our
children strategies that actually could save their lives if the unthinkable
happens.
I hope they never have a reason
to use this knowledge, and yet... How insane is it that I find myself
relieved? Grateful, even.
Maybe I should be feeling
something different: Anger, sadness, I don't know. Instead, I find myself
oddly reassured knowing the administrators and teachers at my kids' school
are doing just what my mother always told me growing up:
When you don't know what to
expect, hope for the best, then prepare for the worst.
