How to Win the Morning Game in 33 Moves

What can I say? Once in a blue moon I have my shite together enough to have a "Good Morning."
How do I do it? Let me break it down:

• 1   9 o’clock: Say ‘bye to Hubs & start searching the apartment for coffee mug. 
• 2   Stumble across last night's To Do lists of calls to make, projects to finish, etc. Add notes about half tackled chores and projects in every room. 
• 4   Find mug in kitchen next to coffee maker. Take sip & start to empty dishwasher. Get called to help kid to potty. 
• 5   After cleaning up messy kid & toilet, wash hands & go back to kitchen & much needed coffee.
• 6   Get a few more pieces out of dishwasher,  discard them next to the fridge when frantically called to check out emergency. Take selfie with Boy and very important newly designed robot.  
• 7   Realize girl is not wearing unders after poop accident on toilet; head into kids room & discover it is shockingly tidy. 
• 8   Have idea for silly blog post, go in search of phone to make notes. 
• 9   Look up from making list & ponder how the hell coffee mug ended up on top of living room bookcase. 
• 10   Upon hearing sounds of dishwasher being started, rush to kitchen and cancel it. Send Boy back to the robots. 
• 11   Take another sip of cold coffee, note the pot is empty. Remember to pull out teabags for a  pitcher of iced tea for afternoon caffeination. 
• 12   Get called to another bathroom, wipe another booty, wash hands for the hundredth time. 
• 13   Adding items to blog list, Note you skipped step 3 & decide you’ve come too far to fix it. Set up iced tea pitcher. 
• 14   Giggle because you typed “fart" instead of “far." 
• 15   Become suddenly & urgently aware you need to pee. Then panic as you remember Girl is in unders (not diaper) & wonder how long it’s been since she was on potty. 
• 16   Discover her splashing in her own puddle and curse self for not paying attention to time. 
• 17   Sift through all the laundry to find other things to throw in washer with wet towels and unders. Give up and start the stupidly small load. 
• 18   Discover Boy swiping a roll from the breadbox & check clock before taking it away. Confirm it is indeed lunchtime. Grab each kid a cheesestick to go with their rolls. 
• 19   Wonder how the hell it got to be lunchtime, anyway, as you finally finish emptying the diswasher. 
• 20   When reminder alarm goes off on phone wonder where the hell did the phone go? And then what alarm is for… 
• 21   Several minutes after alarm stops curse out loud because you finally remember that everyone might still be in PJs, but you all need to be dressed and out the door in 20 minutes if you’re going to make it to the Boy’s doctor appointment.
• 22   Start getting Boy dressed & realize all his clean shorts are in the dryer. Stop on your way back to pack a bag of snacks & drop it by the door. 
• 23   Walk into kids room to discover Girl in another puddle just outside bathroom. Note she was in no way rushing to reach the toilet 3 feet away from her. 
• 24   Put Girl in DIAPER and pluck a combo of semi-clean clothes from the top of her dresser while simultaneously using bath towel to mop floor with one foot. 
• 25   Congratulate self on multi-tasking. 
• 26   Cramming the new wet stuff into laundry, switch to cursing that half load of laundry that is just finishing it’s cycle. 
• 27   Note how shrill you sound as you shout to kids to put on their shoes. Decide to apologize after you’ve gathered ALL THE THINGS and get them in the stroller. 

• 28   After a moment's hesitation decide there is no need to change out of the yoga pants and tank you’ve been rocking for the last 48 hours. Grab a button-up to wear as an “over” shirt.
• 29   Beg children to just grab their shoes and get into the stroller.
• 30   Buckle down the kids; shove in all 3 bags, the snack pack & the ice waters. 
• 31   Take opportunity of locked down kids to dash to the bathroom & pee without fear of catastrophe. 
• 32   12:10pm: Hit the elevator button and prepare for one or both of the kids to start screaming about who’s turn it was, and who gets to push the lobby button inside. 
• 33   With spiteful satisfaction, push the lobby button your own damn self. 
• 34    Exit the elevator and glide through the building lobby, smiling sweetly, while softly apologizing to kids for turning into psycho mommy. 

Explain you were frantic because you simply don’t know where the time went this morning. 

If you enjoyed this post, please click below to vote for me!  Big Hugs & Thanks!

Revisiting Conscious Coupling

I originally published this piece about a year ago, not long after Gwyneth Paltrow & her husband Chris Martin had just announced their separation. Only they were calling it a Conscious Uncoupling. This got an awful lot of press for being a very unusual and new-agey sounding way to say "we are divorcing". 

Today would have been my parents' 42nd wedding anniversary. So much of what I learned about love and marriage came from watching them. I wanted to honor them by revisiting this piece for The March Marriage Challenge. 

Paltrow & Martin's split happened just before we were to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. And while all the talk was about what it meant for a marriage to break up, it got me thinking about the very idea of marriage. More to the point, why my path had led me down the aisle when I could just as easily have skipped it.

Sheesh! Lots of talk on the interwebs today about consciously uncoupling. Who's doing it & what the hell does that even mean?

Eh, no one here in Toddlerville has a clue about that stuff. 'Round these parts we are all about the coupling that was solidified 3 years ago today. That would be Hubs & lil ol' me - Serendipity.

I won't bore anyone will all the delightful wedding details. (5 hour open bar!) I will admit, however, to being outshone at my own wedding by the cutest attendant EVER - the darling Boy, then 10 months old.

Now, some folks would say we did things a bit backwards. Some would probably say we eventually did the "right thing."  I can say with certainty lots of people didn't understand why we were doing it at all. Frankly I would imagine that whatever most folks thought, they reckoned we got married to "legalize" our family.

Of course, there's truth in that. But as beautiful and amazing as my Boy is (or any kid, for that matter), he's no reason to take the plunge into wedded bliss.

In case you're not a regular (of the blog or the bar), Hubs and I met in our local Irish pub in Queens. At the time I was one half of another couple. So we were friendly, but not friends. I can recall three honest-to-goodness conversations over the first year or so I knew him.
1st: about the tandoori chicken he was making on BBQ Sunday.
2nd: about trivia night & my possibly joining his team (never happened).
3rd: a heated discussion about baseball. He is a naturalized Mets fan & I'm a life-long Yanks fan. Yeah... As I recall we rarely chatted for a long time after that one.

Eventually I uncoupled, moved a bit further away & didn't frequent the pub as often. Then yada yada yada... I got a new iPhone and we started spending time together.

Yep, I just yada yada yada'd right over that.

Yes, the iPhone is important. As it happened, he was one of perhaps 4 people I knew with an iPhone. Two of the others were other friends at the pub. They all hung out in their spot at the bar, playing on their phones and talking about apps. Now I would maybe be put off, but 5 years ago it was kinda endearing. Particularly because they were all Irish & weren't gadgety type guys.

So when I got an iPhone I realized I had a reason to chat him up. And the rest, as they say, is history. Without speaking for Hubs, I knew pretty quickly I never again wanted to wake up without him.

For her part, my mother always told me to marry someone who I enjoyed even when we were mad at each other. She would tell me the truest test of a relationship is if you can argue & make up & truly move on.

Which reminds me of a fight we had early on. Hubs was literally grabbing up a bunch of movies he had scattered at my place - basically taking his toys and going home. I remember telling him that he was being silly. We were arguing, not ending. He could leave, but we weren't done by a long shot. I have no idea if that moment stayed with him - but that was it - I knew. Ya know?

The fact is marriage should be a conscious coupling. We had options & marriage wasn't the only, or easiest, one. As the vows often say, it's not something to be entered into lightly. Hubs & I married because we wanted to stand up, in front of all the friends & loved ones we could gather, and declare that we were on this path Together. 

Marriage is a union, a joining of lives and families. So while it was strange to lots of my friends, it made sense to me to take his family name. Frankly, I hardly considered NOT taking his name. 

Did it all make some things easier, legally? You bet. 

But what mattered is just this: I am able to say we are married, he is my husband. These words carry a whole different weight in our society than to say he is my partner. Or my lover. Or the father of my children. Or my best friend. 

He is all of those things. And So. Much. More. And THAT is why we got married. 

I don't know, maybe it's me, but I think that's kind of why anyone wants to get married. Am I wrong? 

*Any reading of this post as either a social or political statement about marriage equality would be solely based on the reader's bias & not the author's attempt to draw such parallels. 

**Not to deny I'm 100% in favor of marriage equality & sincerely don't get why anyone would be against it. But this post is just a little riff on my own choices on the occasion of my 3rd Wedding Anniversary. 

If you enjoyed this post, please click below to vote for me! Big Hugs & Thanks!

Good News/Bad News

So... it's been a Good News/Bad News kind of a day in Toddlerville.

• Good News: #Frankenfoot got her stitches out & that means I'm just a day or so away from a full on proper shower (with Hubs standing by)! Everything is healing really well & the x-rays look super good. 
• Bad News: Because everything looks so nice & I'm doing a great job at taking care of it the doc wants me to stay on the #StupidCrutches the full 4 weeks. That means I can stop using them at home on May 1st (if I fudge by 36 hours). And then, maybe, after the visit to her the following Tuesday (May 6th) I can lose the crutches all together.

• Good News: Walking (hopping) home from the doctor I got to see all the lovely Spring flowers. Including these daffodils, which are one of my all time favorite of flowers. 
• Bad News: When I got to my building I was knocked off my crutches & nearly fell down the steps to the sidewalk by someone who was trying to be kind. So I was nearly killed by kindness. 

• Good News: I waited in the lobby to see Hubs & he agreed to pick up a venti frap on his way back from the grocery store so I could drown my sorrows. 
• Bad News: When I got into the apartment my kids were clearly tired but keyed up; no one was listening.  In utter frustration I sent them for quiet time over an hour early. 

I want to cry. I'm tired of not being able to do anything. I don't want to keep hopping around like a manic flamingo. My kids and my Hubs are sick of it too. We all have Spring Fever, and we want to go roll in the grass like happy puppies. 

Here's the thing; days like today I don't want to be the parent. I want to be the child. I want my mother to bring me a special treat - like orange juice & ginger ale - and coloring books. And sit with me and watch old movies. I want my dad to go to the grocery store to pick up something fun for dinner & see flowers or balloons or a stuffed toy that he picks up to make me smile - just to make his little girl feel better. 

But Mom's been gone 10 years now. And Daddy lives in Texas, while I'm up here in the Big Apple. The reality is that I'm the Mommy now. My little people need me to be the grown-up. 

It is difficult, sometimes, to look on the bright side. Even though I know it is only another 10-14 days. Even though I know this is nothing compared to other struggles, including those I've gone through before. I know this mood, this moment will pass. I will buck up, pull up my big girl pants and get over myself. Any minute now...

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Reflections on Conscious Coupling

Sheesh! Lots of talk on the interwebs today about consciously uncoupling. Who's doing it & what the hell does that even mean?

Eh, no one here in Toddlerville has a clue about that stuff. 'Round these parts we are all about the coupling that was solidified 3 years ago today. That would be Hubs & lil ol' me - Serendipity.

I won't bore anyone will all the delightful wedding details. (5 hour open bar!) I will admit, however, to being outshone at my own wedding by the cutest attendant EVER - the darling Boy, then 10 months old.

Now, some folks would say we did things a bit backwards. Some would probably say we eventually did the "right thing."  I can say with certainty lots of people didn't understand why we were doing it at all. Frankly I would imagine that whatever most folks thought, they reckoned we got married to "legalize" our family.

Of course, there's truth in that. But as beautiful and amazing as my Boy is (or any kid, for that matter), he's no reason to take the plunge into wedded bliss.

In case you're not a regular (of the blog or the bar), Hubs and I met in our local Irish pub in Queens. At the time I was one half of another couple. So we were friendly, but not friends. I can recall three honest-to-goodness conversations over the first year or so I knew him.
1st: about the tandoori chicken he was making on BBQ Sunday.
2nd: about trivia night & my possibly joining his team (never happened).
3rd: a heated discussion about baseball. He is a naturalized Mets fan & I'm a life-long Yanks fan. Yeah... As I recall we rarely chatted for a long time after that one.

Eventually I uncoupled, moved a bit further away & didn't frequent the pub as often. Then yada yada yada... I got a new iPhone and we started spending time together.

Yep, I just yada yada yada'd right over that.

Yes, the iPhone is important. As it happened, he was one of perhaps 4 people I knew with an iPhone. Two of the others were other friends at the pub. They all hung out in their spot at the bar, playing on their phones and talking about apps. Now I would maybe be put off, but 5 years ago it was kinda endearing. Particularly because they were all Irish & weren't gadgety type guys.

So when I got an iPhone I realized I had a reason to chat him up. And the rest, as they say, is history. Without speaking for Hubs, I knew pretty quickly I never again wanted to wake up without him.

Not long before I moved back to NYC some college friends got married & for their wedding gift I framed a greeting card of this Apache Wedding Prayer. I could never find a more apt or succinct definition of what would make a happy marriage.

For her part, my mother always told me to marry someone who I enjoyed even when we were mad at each other. She would tell me the truest test of a relationship is if you can argue & make up & truly move on.

Which reminds me of a fight we had early on. Hubs was literally grabbing up a bunch of movies he had scattered at my place - basically taking his toys and going home. I remember telling him that he was being silly. We were arguing, not ending. He could leave, but we weren't done by a long shot. I have no idea if that moment stayed with him - but that was it - I knew. Ya know?

The fact is marriage should be a conscious coupling. We had options & marriage wasn't the only, or easiest, one. As the vows often say, it's not something to be entered into lightly. Hubs & I married because we wanted to stand up, in front of all the friends & loved ones we could gather, and declare that we were on this path Together. 

Marriage is a union, a joining of lives and families. So while it was strange to lots of my friends, it made sense to me to take his family name. 

Did it all make some things easier, legally? You bet. 

But what mattered is just this: I am able to say we are married, he is my husband. These words carry a whole different weight in our society than to say he is my partner. Or my lover. Or the father of my children. Or my best friend. 

He is all of those things. And So. Much. More. And THAT is why we got married. 

I don't know, maybe it's me, but I think that's kinda why anyone wants to get married. Am I wrong? 

*Any reading of this post as either a social or political statement about marriage equality would be solely based on the reader's bias & not the author's attempt to draw such parallels. 

**Not to deny I'm 100% in favor of marriage equality & sincerely don't get why anyone would be against it. But this post is just a little riff on my own choices on the occasion of my 3rd Wedding Anniversary.